In August 2009 I traveled to the tiny country of Rwanda nestled deep in the heart of Africa. The following is from excerpts I had written on my blog a few days after I returned home. It sums up my trip and the impact it has had on me since my return.
It's been a few days now since I arrived home from Rwanda, the jet lag is starting to subside and Stephanie is back at school. The quiet inside my house is deafening and the sadness in my heart at time is overwhelming, emotions that I could not allow myself to feel while in Rwanda are all swirling around me and sweeping me out to a place in my heart and soul I have never been. I am struggling to find a way to keep it from pulling me under. I knew this would be a difficult journey; I prepared myself as best I could. I faced my fears, and forged ahead to challenge myself in ways I could have never dreamed possible. I found courage and strength I never new I possessed and still it was not enough.
I have seen a country that is so beautiful it defies descriptrion, and at the same time the magnitude of poverty I witnessed is breathtaking in its scope. It's every place you go, there is no escaping it. I have lived it, breathed it, smelled it and touched it -- sometimes it is hard to find hope in a place like this. Thank God there is hope, some days it may be small and others it's the size of a mountain, but it is always there -- you just have to find it and hold on to it. Rwanda is a country full of contrasts, where there is extreme beauty you will find a past so ugly you are left speechless. Where you see no hope, suddenly there it is right in front of you shining brightly in the face of an innocent child.
We listened to testimonials by perpetrators and their victims. The stories were painful and heart wrenching to hear, but the beauty of forgiveness that we witnessed between these amazing men and women was truly life changing. We listened as Emmanuel told us how he brutally killed 17 people with a machete, one of which unknown to him at the time survived. That survivor, Alice, sat next to him gently stroking her arm along the very spot where her hand had been severed by the blow of his machete. There she sat listening to him recount the horror he had inflicted upon her and
It's been a few days now since I arrived home from Rwanda, the jet lag is starting to subside and Stephanie is back at school. The quiet inside my house is deafening and the sadness in my heart at time is overwhelming, emotions that I could not allow myself to feel while in Rwanda are all swirling around me and sweeping me out to a place in my heart and soul I have never been. I am struggling to find a way to keep it from pulling me under. I knew this would be a difficult journey; I prepared myself as best I could. I faced my fears, and forged ahead to challenge myself in ways I could have never dreamed possible. I found courage and strength I never new I possessed and still it was not enough.
I have seen a country that is so beautiful it defies descriptrion, and at the same time the magnitude of poverty I witnessed is breathtaking in its scope. It's every place you go, there is no escaping it. I have lived it, breathed it, smelled it and touched it -- sometimes it is hard to find hope in a place like this. Thank God there is hope, some days it may be small and others it's the size of a mountain, but it is always there -- you just have to find it and hold on to it. Rwanda is a country full of contrasts, where there is extreme beauty you will find a past so ugly you are left speechless. Where you see no hope, suddenly there it is right in front of you shining brightly in the face of an innocent child.
We listened to testimonials by perpetrators and their victims. The stories were painful and heart wrenching to hear, but the beauty of forgiveness that we witnessed between these amazing men and women was truly life changing. We listened as Emmanuel told us how he brutally killed 17 people with a machete, one of which unknown to him at the time survived. That survivor, Alice, sat next to him gently stroking her arm along the very spot where her hand had been severed by the blow of his machete. There she sat listening to him recount the horror he had inflicted upon her and
later when we all shared lunch, I sat back in amazement and watched as Emmanuel filled a plate with food and brought it over gently handing it to her. It was beautiful and also heartbreaking to watch.
I spent the entire next day riding in a van sitting next to Emmanuel. I learned during this time that we all have the capacity to be both good and bad, that we as humans are deeply flawed and capable of horrible things. I also learned that even though we may falter and connect with our darkest side, there is always room for forgiveness and redemption. It is what we do after our darkest hour that truly defnies us a human being. Alice has been able to forgive Emmanuel, it did not come easily, nor did it come quickly -- through the grace of God they have since built a beautiful friendship that when witnessed could soften the hardest heart.
While there I met children that would give up their one meal a day just to have a pen, but of all the things that I experienced nothing can compare to the honor and privilege of sharing with a child their first car ride, first time out of their village, first meal in a restaurant, first time seeing television, first time using a washroom and running water, and chewing their first piece of gum. It was the most humbling experience of my life, it was heartbreaking and joyfull all at the same time. Rwanda, Rwanda, God how I love you.
I spent the entire next day riding in a van sitting next to Emmanuel. I learned during this time that we all have the capacity to be both good and bad, that we as humans are deeply flawed and capable of horrible things. I also learned that even though we may falter and connect with our darkest side, there is always room for forgiveness and redemption. It is what we do after our darkest hour that truly defnies us a human being. Alice has been able to forgive Emmanuel, it did not come easily, nor did it come quickly -- through the grace of God they have since built a beautiful friendship that when witnessed could soften the hardest heart.
While there I met children that would give up their one meal a day just to have a pen, but of all the things that I experienced nothing can compare to the honor and privilege of sharing with a child their first car ride, first time out of their village, first meal in a restaurant, first time seeing television, first time using a washroom and running water, and chewing their first piece of gum. It was the most humbling experience of my life, it was heartbreaking and joyfull all at the same time. Rwanda, Rwanda, God how I love you.
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